Assertiveness: A Key Ingredient for Better Health and Stronger Relationships
- vanessavanderhoek
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
I often talk a lot about food, digestion, and functional health — but there’s another crucial ingredient in your overall wellbeing that’s often overlooked: assertiveness.
Assertiveness is more than just standing up for yourself. It’s a skill that helps you express your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a respectful and honest way — without stepping on anyone else’s toes or abandoning your own needs.
In this article, I explore why assertiveness matters not only for your relationships and leadership skills, but also for your mental and physical health.
What Gets in the Way of Assertiveness?
Many people struggle with assertiveness, not because they lack confidence, but because of internal and external roadblocks such as:
Self-defeating beliefs: Feeling like it’s selfish or rude to speak up or say no.
Lack of skills: Not having the verbal or non-verbal communication tools to express yourself effectively.
Stress and anxiety: Physical tension and fear that cloud your thoughts and make speaking up difficult.
Uncertainty in social situations: Not knowing what’s “appropriate” in different relationships or environments.
Cultural and generational conditioning: Long-held beliefs about how we “should” act, especially with authority figures or elders.
Why Assertiveness is a Right, Not a Luxury
Assertiveness is grounded in a basic set of human rights. Some of these include:
The right to say “no” (without guilt)
The right to express your thoughts and emotions
The right to change your mind
The right to ask for help
The right to not always have an answer
Learning to own these rights can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’ve spent a lifetime prioritizing others. But exercising them is critical for your mental and physical health.
Assertiveness in Leadership
Leadership isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about being authentic, collaborative, and resilient. And that means being assertive.
One of the most powerful (and often most uncomfortable) assertive skills is the ability to ask for help. When you ask for support:
You reduce overwhelm and maintain your energy and focus.
You empower others to share their strengths.
You foster trust and connection.
You release oxytocin—the “bonding hormone”—which enhances wellbeing and connection.
Common Assumptions That Undermine Assertiveness
Do any of these sound familiar?
“It’s a sign of weakness to ask for help.”
“If I accept help, I’ll owe someone.”
“I’ll burden others—they’re already busy.”
“It’s faster and easier if I just do it myself.”
These beliefs are deeply ingrained, but they often lead to burnout, disconnection, and chronic stress.
The Health Benefits of Being Assertive
Assertiveness is good for your relationships—but it’s also good for your body. Here’s how:
1. Reduced Stress & Anxiety
Saying “no” when you need to helps prevent overwhelm and burnout.
Speaking up lowers social anxiety and reduces the fear of conflict.
A study published in Health Psychology found that assertiveness training significantly reduces perceived stress.
2. Better Mental Health
Assertive people experience less resentment, frustration, and depression.
Expressing yourself boosts self-worth and encourages emotional regulation.
It’s linked to fewer mood swings and improved overall wellbeing.
3. Stronger Relationships
Healthy boundaries lead to fewer misunderstandings and less passive-aggression.
Assertiveness fosters mutual respect and open communication.
4. Improved Physical Health
Chronic stress from people-pleasing or poor boundaries can lead to insomnia, high blood pressure, and a weakened immune system.
Assertiveness lowers cortisol levels, helping prevent stress-related illnesses.
5. Higher Life Satisfaction
Assertive individuals feel more in control of their lives and experience higher overall happiness.
They’re also more resilient and better equipped to navigate life’s challenges.
Ready to Learn More About Assertiveness?
Click here to listen to episode 5 of The Thrive Forward Podcast: The Power of Saying Yes, No, and Not Feeling Guilty where I delve into this important topic further and provide practical strategies.
Want to explore how assertiveness and boundaries might be affecting your health?
Being assertive isn’t about being bossy or dominant—it’s about communicating with clarity, courage, and compassion. It’s a vital skill for your gut, your brain, your stress levels, and your relationships.
As part of my holistic approach to health, I encourage clients to explore their communication habits and how they impact their digestion, immunity, and energy. After all, your nervous system and your gut are closely connected through the gut-brain axis—and stress from unspoken needs or constant people-pleasing can directly affect your digestion and inflammation levels.
Vanessa Vanderhoek is a integrative & functional medicine nutritionist specialising in the gut microbiome, biochemistry and nutrigenomics. She helps people to regain their health by taking a “food as medicine” approach that's unique to their body. Vanessa is based in Australia and has clients around the world. Book an appointment online by clicking here.
